What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. Concentrate on your relationship with him. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. If the girl is "broken" in some way, he can be her hero or savior. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. Accepting your son's girlfriend may be challenging at first, but bringing her into your family will also bring you closer to your son. My Son's Girlfriend Is Manipulative - 3 Ways To Cope - Parental Questions It is a love he can truly count on while romantic love with the opposite sex is, well, fragile and easily broken. If you are together in 5 years when college is over great, but don't miss out on so much of your young lives. The thing is that a young man must be getting something from his relationship with this girl. Well actually, our dog was my son's gift from us. Kimberly Atkins from Cameron, NC on May 26, 2018: This article gave me a different perspective and some things to consider on my sons relationship. He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support. My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative- Obvious Signs Parents Cant Ignore, 2. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. You kicked him out. How Many People To Invite To Baby Shower. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. It takes courage and strength to do the right thing by breaking up now. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. Remember, if you read my above comments, you'll understand what I mean when I say, "Call to the kitten." I phoned him, he said, he wasn't leaving her and she had chosen him. What kind of life is that? A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. Bless you cecgggceekac. He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult. 2K views, 27 likes, 7 loves, 18 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dbstvstlucia: DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 No. The Debater. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. As parents, there can be clear signs that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. They attended our sons high school graduation as well as his party. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. You have time on your side. I am terrified that I won't know where my son is and what he's doing. About 11:45 that evening , there is a knock at the door and girlfirend is standing there crying histerically with her mother. Continue loving your mother and expressing it. My son is now with an old woman, closer to my age than his. she also attends college and skips classes often which being under my roof and acting in such an irresponsible way around my younger son is upsetting, my boys just don't do these kinds of things. nice! It's hard not to mother our children, even if only in tone of voice and energy. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. You must re-establish a connection with your son and you can do it only through love and humility. Others may feel you are not looking for a job when you are looking for many and get disheartened. He will defend her to others because he is the only one who "truly understands" that there is a sweet girl underneath the tough exterior. But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. Please advise. Explain your concerns but follow them with, I will respect your choice and love you no matter what.. I don't know what he is going to do, and none of them will talk to me. #533: Can I bar my son's unlikeable girlfriend from family events? I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. They have been together for1 year. She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child. Even if these feelings come from good intentions, mothers would be well advised to use care in their interactions with their childrens dates since it's possible for the relationship to become long-term. APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. After 2 months I could not take it any more and told her that she had to leave. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. Needy Nellie. Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. she has anxiety issues and panic attacks and these are exacerbated by any contact with me. But yes, as the title says, my girlfriend doesn't love me anymore. I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. :). He/her is guessing. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. He hasn't married her yet. Cus he loves her duhhh!! Break the ice with some funny family stories and invite her to share her own memories with your son. At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too. Contact: 0208 296 9620 The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. Why? I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. If his girlfriend is prone to violence, she poses a risk to your son and any future children. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. He does do things with us occasionally. son's girlfriend doesn 't like his family Well, they have been going together for four years. My son is mixed up with a true bitch! There is only one real red flag to be concerned about: violence. Tell us what you love about her." Then, if and when problems in their relationship arise, he'll be able to turn to you for solace and guidance. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. My son told me a thing or two and informed me that he was going with her. They began dating when she was 16 and he 17. If she hasn't visited him, that is a clear sign--and should be to your son--about her loyalty. I know you have concerns about your son getting into a serious relationship so young, but isn't your top priority your son's happiness? Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. my son has been with a girl for 2 years now the family can't stand her. Why does it feel bad? HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child. The time to say your peace is before they reach the altar. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid - Grown and Flown You can't help solve a problem until you know what it is. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. Good luck! Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. Non-judgmental. I am crying because I was hurt of what he did! As his parents, you have to let him ride this one out to see which way it goes. It's important not to judge the girl or he will rush to her defense. Questions about her commitment or plans for the relationship. My son began dating this girl when he was 17. So my question is, what should I do? Up until then, my son and I could talk about any and everything and we would talk for hours. Your son reacts negatively or flinches in her presence. Do you think that they might blame you for their father's leaving the family? Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". In a gentle manner, make it clear to your mother that you and the mother of your child will be married soon. It is too much to even write. He might see himself as your child when with you and with her, he is completely different. It sounds as though you've built your relationship on very solid foundational reasons for liking your girlfriend: she has amazing traits (kindness, humility) and she loves your children like her own. It's not that she's got kids & has her tubes tied, it's not that she's as ugly as sin with what looks to be prison tatts. Will she be good for him? That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. His girlfriend couldn't choose between them. What's something fun that you and (your son) have done lately? Contact amy.frank@vpetalent.com with your story to apply. Our kids, who started dating in high school, broke up at the beginning of their sophomore year in college, after dating for nearly two years. Bit over exaggerated but let me give the context; we started dating in early to mid July of 2022 and things were looking great. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . Were you too harsh? I greatly appreciate your feedback. Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed.. By the time he graduated (6 mos later), they spend almost every day together (entirely at her home since we wouldn't let them stay in the basement and "make-out" all the time. I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son she follows him everywhere! Her mom kicked her out of the house a fact we recently just found out as his girlfriend told us she moved out. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! We'll look at the advantages and disadvantages of growing up in the digital age. That is all. This woman doesn't care about those things." She's four years older than me. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it. You had the right to deny access to your basement, but other than that, are you friendly or cordial to his girlfriend?