Because of financial concerns and the blow to their ego, some men experience challenges like depression, weight gain, experimenting with alcohol, and becoming less active in the Church. E-mail correspondence, August 11, 2011. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. Video Collections. While 57% of respondents said their feelings were neutral toward polygamy when they first became aware of it, over a quarter of the respondents reactions were unfavorable to very unfavorable. Divorce is traumatic: those involved can experience feelings of shock, denial, confusion, depression, and anger, as well as physical symptoms such as disrupted sleep and eating patterns. David Grua, From Embrace to Embarrassment: Remembering Joseph Smiths Polygamy, The Juvenile Instructor (November 2, 2007), accessed August 24, 2011, http://www.juvenileinstructor.org/from-embrace-to-embarrassment-remembering-joseph-smiths-polygamy/. However, it is obvious more needs to be done to answer the questions and concerns of members of all ages. By the end of these few decades, a number of members had doctrinally and physically separated themselves from the body of the Church because they continued to teach and practice plural marriage. At the time, Hudson suggested some Mormon men had celestial lust. She compared these men to the young Muslim suicide bombers who killed themselves and others expecting to be rewarded with 72 virgins in the hereafter. 24. It is also important to differentiate a man who was divorced and remarried before he became a Christian from a man who was divorced and remarried after becoming a Christian. But, on the other hand, the Church and its members will never be able to divorce themselves from historical plural marriage. This implies that population and marital status adjusted, Muslims are more likely to be divorced than Hindus, and Muslim women take up almost the entire burden of this difference. 1. 63. Excommunication in Mormonism Its in the handbook. It was a journey that almost ended in disaster. But heres a fact you need to know: children can be 37. But for me, the most important revelation in this long ignored manuscript has to do with a foiled plot on Jesus and Mary the Magdalene's lives, about 13 years before the crucifixion. This may make many more supportive of divorce when it happens outside the Church.. Elder David S. Baxter, a general authority of the Seventy, found the gospel at a critical time in his life. WebA civil marriage first is God's will, and was specified as a requirement in the original Doctrine and Covenants. Divorced men are welcome in the Church in the same manner as married men. My girls did not want to go because of the way the adult sisters treated them.. The shows first season was set in Utah Valley until the Utah County police began to investigate the family. The separation before the actual divorce can often be even more embittered. The Apostles that were Married Given the lack of available information from official sources, it isnt surprising that members like this woman would believe Brigham Young was the prophet who introduced plural marriage. When he was 12 years old, the missionaries began visiting Elder Baxter and his family, bringing a sense of goodness and peace into their home. I thought everyone knew that., I replied, They dont all have parents like you do. As with every gospel principle, the foundation needs to be laid in their childhood and then built upon in their youth with more information about the faith and sacrifices practicing plural marriage necessitated among the Saints, as well as the reasons for ending the practice. Quite often, in spite of divorce, extended family members remain connected because of a common interest, such as children. 46. Indeed, some even try to dress like 19th-century Mormons, except in neo-pioneer style pastel dresses topped off with a bizarre hairstyle. 67. FHE Object Lesson: Treasure Transformation, Remembering President Boyd K. Packer (19242015). I told them I would be glad to answer any question they had. Claire, October 4, 2011. "We always talk about fathers blessing their children and performing the ordinances, and those are wonderful experiences. Divorce can be very stressful for years., Few things in life are as difficult as divorce, Dr. Swinton shares. These survey results provide an opportunity for personal reflection. Brigham Young had a well publicized divorce. I thanked her and hung up, amazed at the extent of her embarrassment and effort to avoid the subject.31, This palpable discomfort with polygamy is shared by regular members of the Church. For examples of numerous press releases and public statements regarding past and modern plural marriage, see The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Newsroom: The Official Resource for News Media, Opinion Leaders and the Public, http://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/search-results.xqy?q=polygamy&x=0&y=0. Of those who had a very unfavorable feeling toward plural marriage at the time of the survey, over three quarters of them learned about polygamy as a child or teenager.38, An intriguing survey finding was that almost 58% were children or teenagers when they learned about Joseph Smith having plural wives. The time or times of such sacred education needs a little more explanation. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy., 50. This will help you examine your own behavior and see things more accurately. I am not sure that those that faithfully practiced it many years ago would be with that conclusiondo you? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints permits divorce, but the Church's focus on happy, sound, and even eternal families elevates marriage to a sacred covenant not to be lightly dissolved. Of divorce, LDS Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley said, There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. The midwestern United States also had a good representation, as did Canada (especially western Canada). Elder Scott's parents would later serve in the Washington DC Temple for many years, and Elder Scott served as an apostle until he passed away Septemeber 22, 2015. There were approximately 400 people who participated in the survey with an almost even mix of men and women.32, In spite of the limited number of respondents, there actually was a good variety of people from different ages and backgrounds in terms of marriage status and activity in the LDS Church. Why did he marry young teenagers, including 14-year-old Helen Mar Kimball, who had both parents and didnt want to be married?46. You'll also like: What (and What Not) to Say to the Recently Divorced, Dr. Swinton agrees. This essay looks at examples of members expression of discomfort over a polygamous heritage and concludes with suggestions of possible pathways to a more comfortable reconciliation. Surprisingly, only 4% of the respondents did not know he had plural wives. (You didn't see President Hinckley rushing off to get married after the death of his wife Marjorie, right?). MYTH: God forbids all divorce, and divorce is the unpardonable sin. Her eyes bugged out, her mouth dropped open, and she asked in a weak voice, Joseph Smith had more than one wife? Afterward, she repeated several times that she was blown away.65. It's true when they say that you really do find out who your real friends are when disaster strikes. EIN: 46-0869962. If two men are available to be bishop and they are equally qualified in every way except one man is married and the other is not, you can expect the married man to receive the call. The sister missionary was giving the tour to what appeared to be a non-member family and me. What is your personal anchor belief? A number of years later I was organizing a visit of some dignitaries to Salt Lake City. Feelings About Plural Marriage. Over 230 of the respondents were born in Utah or the western United States. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf was just 4 years old the first time his family fled their home, leaving everything behind. Was the Apostle Paul married? Unfortunately, many believe the lack of information in official Church publications about plural marriage is a form of cover-up. 20. I can't imagine a Seventy giving instruction that was inconsistent with Church policy. Church policy, however, does have a preference to married men as bishops. LDS Dr. Swinton says, [In Church culture], divorce is a bit of a taboo issue that many don't know how to deal with, so the result is to avoid.However, avoiding divorced members only adds to their troubles. While steps have been taken to inoculate members, more can be done. They did everything they could to raise us the right way" (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Elder Quentin L. Cook: A Willing Heart and Mind", April 2008Ensign). I think being cool matters too much to me. (You didn't see President Hinckley rushing off to get married after the death of his wife Marjorie, right?). Because of plural marriages inherent sexual implications, it is natural there would be some discomfort and embarrassment. Later, Elder Cook would be called to serve as a counselor to his brother Joe, who was serving as the stake president at the time. 36. Many are confronted with these issues regarding plural marriage without a firm understanding of the LDS Churchs polygamous past. Another active Latter-day Saint responded: Are you suggesting that what is making you pleased is the denial of relationships in the Celestial Kingdom? We are indeed turning a corner finally.57. An acquaintance of mine, married in the temple 25 years ago, four children and an active member in the LDS church was recently divorced for having an These and other negative claims against early Mormon polygamy have caused understandable mental and spiritual turmoil for members. Therefore, leadership at different levels could decide what and where to teach its members, as well as who might be the most knowledgeable and able to teach such sensitive matters.66. "This letter is an internal document. . . Married or widowed are okay. . John Kitzmiller, personal interview, October 13, 2011. How can I worry less about it? Those members of the church who are personally affected by the policy change and have questions are encouraged to talk to their local priesthood leaders," he said. Church policy, however, does have a preference to married men as bishops. Most couples tried going to counseling to support orsave their marriage, but perhaps not to the degree we would expect: Note: The definition of what qualified as counseling support is unique for those surveyed and, in the course of the survey, seemed to be open to interpretation. While others shared what kept them going: I wonder if I would have continued going to church if I [didnt] have children. Second, celestial polygamy seems to evince a degree of sexism in the Church and even Gods eternal plan. At the age of 11, President Uchtdorf watched as his family split up, each taking separate routes to Frankfurt until only he and his mother remained. With his father serving as asoldier in the war, President Uchtdorf's mother was left alone to transport her four children via a refugee train heading west to Germany during the winter. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can get divorced. Participants were asked to rank from 1 to 7 the support they felt from various Church-related groups (1 being not at all supportive and 7 being very supportive). If only married The children in that marriage joined the lawsuit and allege their stepfather abused them. They likely dont know what to do or say. Unfortunately, over time there have been a number of members of the Church who have been upset and offended about aspects of plural marriage, especially the so-called weird aspects. No one is entirely immune to difficult family situations like these, including the general authorities of the Church. Feelings About Plural Marriage. In contrast to the perception the Church and its leaders try to hide the Churchs past, one respondent wrote that he had previously had problems with polygamy until a general authority visited his mission and, during a question and answer period, explained the background of plural marriage. 19. The Church has done a good job of differentiating itself from its Fundamentalist relatives, particularly with renegade groups like the FLDS, who have exemplified the fact that while there are similarities, there are many more differences. Unfortunately, George D. Smiths Nauvoo Polygamy appears to not only accept the idea that Joseph Smith was sexually involved with these women because parts of the book are reminiscent in language and imagery of early anti-Mormon exposs. 44. There were also several who identified themselves as fundamentalist Mormons of former LDS membership. Those divorcing tended to perceive ward members as a group that was unsupportive, fearful, and judgmental. Ultimately, the hope for Saints who struggle emotionally and spiritually with plural marriage is that a better understanding of the history [Page 76]and doctrine of plural marriage will encourage greater faith and bring solace to the soul. Even more tragically, accidental discovery and/or inadequate teachings about the Churchs history and relationship to plural marriage have caused crises of faith which have alienated members of the Church and, in many cases, led to their eventual departure from the faith. Not all members of the Church have been members since their childhood, and too many new converts have stumbled upon the Churchs history of plural marriage and have been shocked and even angered they were not told of it before their baptism. Because of this widespread apostasy, the Lord withdrew the authority of the priesthood from the earth. John C. Bennett, The History of the Saints; or, an Expos of Joe Smith and Mormonism (Boston: Leland & Whiting, 1842). The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage.1 In spite of this inspired teaching from President BoydK. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, divorces take place. He did, however, not require any other members to practice the doctrine until the Nauvoo period. These included the lying about plural marriage, the apparent polyandrous marriages of [Page 61]Joseph Smith, the teenage wives of Joseph Smith, and the idea that plural marriage will be practiced in the celestial kingdom.